Tuesday, July 6, 2010

2010 - Shaving my head for equality

In January 2010 I've joined the SRAT (structural resonance alignment training) course prepared by Desteni for those that are serious about standing up for all life. Also at that time a new website was created called Face World Face Off.
Anyways at that point I also decided to shave my head and in that prove to my-self that I am not just standing up in my mind but also in the physical, because the mind is not real. It is very important that we realize that we are enslaved to our mind and our feelings/emotions because we accepted and allowed them to guide us in the physical and in that we neglected what is real = the physical. We became egoists = mind possessed robots who follow only our own mind and thoughts, believing that we are our mind. And because of that we abuse everything around us and ourselves just to satisfy our mind(fucks) instead of living in the physical, doing what is best for all in practicality. We have to stop our minds because otherwise we will be disregarded by the physical and the whole existence and simply cease to exist.

So when my girlfriend/agreement shaved my head I felt good, like when you know you are doing the right thing, because I was starting to get rid of my ego and also stopped supporting the hair industry that pollutes the earth and water only because we are self-dishonest and want to look good to get sex...
But I didn't get rid of that mind construct simply like that because soon after shaving I realized that the back of my head is not symmetrical and then all the mind crap started. So I had to look at all the thoughts going through my head about it in self-honesty and forgive my-self for accepting and allowing them in me and as me. Then I had to walk through the mind-fucks in real time, not allowing them to re-appear ever again. It's actually quite simple when you write a mind construct on paper and see it in front of you because then you realize it instantaneously when you get it and can thus ignore it, just let it go by and eventually it stops altogether.

I'll share bellow the Ranting&Raving of my mind I made in the context of the mind-fuck I got about my unsymmetrical head. LoL, It's quite funny when you write down all your thoughts because only then it gets really obvious how stupid and unnecessary they are and how we are controlled by them.

---R&R on shaved head---

When I shaved my head I noticed that the back of my skull isn’t symmetric. The right side was more flat than the left. I didn’t bother. Then in the next days, when I looked myself in the mirror I always noticed that and it started to bother me. I was like why is my head like that? Why don’t I have a normal head? I didn’t like it. It is ugly. It doesn’t look nice. If I think it’s not nice then there must be others that think that way. I don’t want people to think my head is strange and bad looking. I don’t want girls to think that way! I don’t want to be ugly. I want girls to find me good looking. Why do I always have to deal with shit like that? When I was a teen I got a vein tumor on my left cheek and I had it for a few years before they managed to remove it permanently. So during that time I was weird. I didn’t want the girls to see me that way. Besides my ears were funny, I walked strangely (X style lol), I have very deep collarbone, my male organ is not big enough and so on and on… I felt like someone is making fun out of me by designing my body that way. Then I went to thoughts like I don’t care what others think of me. If I didn’t care as much before why should I now? I don’t care but I still don’t think my head is nice. I would like it to be symmetric and if I can do something about it I will. It’s because of me, not because of others. I don’t care what others say. If I corrected my strange walking why shouldn’t I correct my unsymmetrical head by leaving just enough hair to hide it? It will look much nicer to me and I won’t feel like someone is making fun out of me every time I look myself in the mirror. Besides I only use natural soap to wash myself so I still won’t be using any hair products. Everyone wins. Isn’t that a nice compromise? No that is my ego judging the way I look. I’ll shave my head again and keep it that way until I die! Fuck you mindfucks! Now I’m a bit angry that I judge myself. (My throat hurts a bit so as resonances explained I’m not specific enough somewhere.)

I also want to look appealing to the girls because I would like to meat as many as I can and be completely self honest with them in expression. It’s not just about sex. Sure I’d like to try it out because I only had sex with my girlfriend so far. And I always dreamed about having sex with a girl that has a perfect body because that’s most arousing. But that’s not the point. I feel like I’ve missed the fun times other had when I was a teen because I was shy and scared of exposing me or humiliating me in front of others. So I want to do that now and meet self honest girls and share my process with them and support them and have fun with them. I still like my girlfriend very much but I feel like restricting me just to her is not enough and not fair. Before we got together she had lots of fun with boys so why can’t I do it now and as I go do my process as well? When she talks about her experiences (mostly sexual) I always feel jealous. I want to be that free as well. I want to have fun with anyone I want and do my process and be in an agreement with my girlfriend. Now is that some egoism or what. (My throat still hurts.)
--------