Wednesday, October 13, 2010

2010 - Sexual desire and pictures

A while ago I've noticed that I am only/mostly interested in talking to and going out with girls. I've realized that I still haven't dealt with my sexual mindfuck desire to experience sex with some other girl than Barbi which is the only one I had sex with. So by not wanting to face with that mindfuck I subconsciously tried to create opportunities for that mindfuck to play out. Connected to that mindfuck is also a picture of how that "perfect" woman should look like. Because according to my mindfuck, the woman that arouses me the most by the way she looks would also give me the best sexual pleasure/orgasm. LoL. Some time ago I was trying to figure out how did I construct such an image of a "perfect" woman in my head and then I realized that the base for it is a PC game character Alyx from Half Life 2. LoL. It's a picture of a picture of a picture.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by pictures and to compare pictures with each other.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by sexual energy experiences.