Monday, December 13, 2010

2010 - My mindfucks towards my father/males

I figured out yesterday that I have a difficulty of establishing communication/friendship with males because I have this point towards my father. We mostly talked when he was drunk and so it was always very unpleasant for me, so I made this defensive layer inside my mind-consciousness system which basically came down to trying to avoid talking to male figures who are in some way or another similar to my father (like those being considered in society as higher authority). Also I experience a resistance to open myself and share myself to males because I am afraid to get the same reaction from them than I got form my father, which is that of non-acceptance and ridicule that would put me in a 'less than' position in relation to them or others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be emotionally influenced by what other people say or think about me. I do not accept and allow myself to be moved in any way what so ever by other people thoughts, words, reactions, judgments or deeds. I am here in the breath and I do what is best for all in all ways and I accept all as one as equal as me as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of opening myself up to others and to be afraid that others might hurt my feelings. I am responsible for my thoughts and feelings and I do not accept and allow myself to be emotional or have judgmental thoughts or thoughts of comparison or any other thoughts about me or anyone else. I am here in the breath as life as one as equal with all as life. I do not accept and allow any abuse from others towards Life and I take responsibility and direct myself to stop the abuse and not participate in the abuse because I am one and equal and all is me as Life.