Thursday, January 27, 2011

2011 - Win/Lose games

Today I got frustrated again while playing a game of tennis on the TV console. First I won some then I lost one and I got frustrated because I allowed myself again to go into an experience of "positive" energy when I won which is a polarity and so inevitably I experienced a "negative" energy/feeling when I lost. I have to make myself more aware of this shit.

When and as I see myself participating in thoughts and feelings/emotions of polarity I stop completely and I breathe. I see that it is a mind-fuck energy polarity illusion. I do not accept and allow myself to go into thoughts and feelings/emotions of polarity ever again.

Then I thought about it: what is the point of playing such a game? If the only point of the game is to win by following some rules and if I remove that aspect, what is the point of ever playing such a game? There is no point. It's a waste of time. Win/Lose games are a total waste of time and are potentially dangerous because one can develop a serious mind-fuck of win/lose polarity illusion. That should be the warning on the box, lol.


Yesterday I also watched a movie Scarface. I realized that I liked the enthusiasm of the main character and the way he didn't have any fear when doing things and how he immediately put himself as an equal to whomever he faced. After the film I repeated his phrases lots of times and while I did it I felt an energy release, it was a feeling of like when something is funny and cool at the same time and it felt like a small ego boost. Then I started thinking about what would it be like if one would use that kind of "spirit"/enthusiasm/self-confidence/self-determination etc. and use it to motivate oneself to do what is best for all. I experience myself sometimes as not motivated to move myself and do what needs to be done which means I am still being moved by energy a lot. I also noticed that sometimes when I get some kind of energy I try to transform it into motivation to move myself and I can't say that it's particularly effective. Usually I get very motivated when I listen to an inspiring song or a movie that was designed for such purpose. But that's not real because it's energy based and it can't be maintained. It wears off in time. Being moved by energy al the time is not fun at all and not something I desire so I have to stop this shit and get myself here in the breath permanently where I can be stable no matter what. Now that's the ya-yo I want! Not the energy mind-fuck cock'a'roaches! lol