Tuesday, March 15, 2011

2011 - Sooner or later

Barbi (my partner) and I just had a discussion about going to Desteni farm together for a month this summer. I see it as a great opportunity to give ourselves a boost in support and some practical experience so that we will also be able to decide better about what direction to take in the future. I am currently writing my diploma from computer and information science and she is in the middle of her study of art pedagogy. So the point that was brought up was if we should go or not. I am definitely for it since I have managed to save enough money from shares I sold a while ago and I will also be working (student job) for the next few months so that we will also have some money saved when we come back. She pointed out that it is not common sense to go now since I don't have a job yet and we have quite an old car that could broke down and if we went we wouldn't have enough money to buy a new second-hand one. Also she said she's not ready yet, not enough in the process, that she can get the same support here at home over the Internet as she would there on the farm. I disagree with her since I see this as justifications for not taking responsibility for self and taking an opportunity to make the most out of it. Also the point of car breaking down and us having to buy a new one is just something that can always happen - you can never be sure or accident-proof. Sure we could wait another few years for me to get a job and her to finish school but the only reason for this is that then we would supposedly have more money. Maybe we will or maybe we wont. So now we have this dilemma which is more of her than mine and we decided to wrote a blog about it and maybe get another perspective.

I have been thinking of going to Desteni farm a few weeks now since Valentin decided to go and I realized that the only thing holding me back is lack of my self confidence from the perspective of doing everything that needs to be done before the trip. Like, earning some extra money and in the mean time finishing my diploma. After that I have to find a job anyway and I imagine it will only be harder to get a month break for the trip when I do. So the best time to go is now when I'm still a student and have time.
I noticed that I've build up some excitement from allowing myself to have some thoughts about going to the farm and how cool it will be to go for such a long and distant trip being with Barbi as a person to whom I am still obviously emotionally attached because we never actually been apart for a longer period of time since we first decided to be together. So I had a bit of a reaction when she started to say that she wouldn't like to go, giving the reasons why. But I stopped that quite effectively with breathing and letting go. So anyway, we have a situation here that we have to sort out and I am quite determined to go to the farm as I see this is the best to do for everyone. There is a tiny bit of self-doubt in me still but I see it as something constructive.

Anyway, if Barbi decides not to go I'll probably sponsor Vitan or Ajda to go with me if they will want, otherwise I'll go alone. That's the situation as I see it right now.

By the way, I read in the news that the quake in Japan was so strong it moved the axle of Earth for 25 cm, which will result in days being slightly shorter and effect the seasons (but not noticeably). It also moved parts of the main island of Japan for 2,5 meters. Maybe that's another reason for visiting Desteni farm rather sooner than later, who know what will move and how far when the next quake decides to show humanity how arrogant and abusive we have become.