Friday, March 9, 2012

2012 - Walking with

Since I am living with my new roommate I find my process of removing my mind-fucks and emotional/energy patterns much more intense/obvious which is cool, as I am able to see them more clearly and what is most important, take self-responsibility for them to remove them and so learn to direct myself in common sense.

One of the points I assist myself with is the fact that my roommates expression in a way resembles the expression of my father who I feared a lot and couldn't really communicate with him effectively. Thus I have the same patterns coming up when I talk to my roommate as I have when talking to my father. Basically I get the feeling of being attacked, threatened or somehow regarded as 'less than'. From this idea I would then usually respond through my ego from the starting point of defending myself and trying to re-establish myself as an equal in the mind of the other person, which is of course impossible. I can only be equal with myself and so to everyone/all here. I have realized that I would only respond like that when I take it personally, meaning that I haven't yet take the self-responsibility for these points through which I create my reaction. After I do that I simply don't react anymore to other's words, I just see/hear the words spoken and I reflect myself within them to see if they make any sense to me and if I can find any support within them.

Within this starting point a realized that I can recognize the moodiness/manipulation attempts from others much more effectively and so I don't accept and allow myself to be effected by them. Also as I am not reacting and also not having a specific desire for a specific effect when I speak to someone, I realize that I can so focus more on understanding the person I talk to and aligning myself to their understanding of self and so expressing myself in a way that is not 'aggressive' towards another because this only creates conflict and competition. Of course the person who feels this way is self-responsible for it because she/he caused this feelings him/her-self, but usually and especially when talking to someone who is not yet walking the Desteni'I'Process, having such an aggressive approach is not alway the best way as it distracts and takes focus away from the actual point one is trying to share with another to the point where the other person feels threatened, 'less than' and then tries to defend oneself through her/his ego as this is how ego works in trying to survive and remain the same as a self-righteous system of self-limitation.