Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Day 10 - Being silent character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a silent/quiet person. I realize that this is a character/personality I have created for myself out of fear of speaking to others and embarrassing myself or  being rejected and laughed at, so that I wouldn't have to take self-responsibility for my fears. When and as I see myself going into the 'being silent character/personality' - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay in the breath and I commit myself to look at where am I still allowing myself to hide/compromise myself within the 'being quiet' character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define being quite as smart/wise and connect it to the saying/belief that wise people don't speak. I realize that through this I try to justify my silence by trying to make myself feel more than others. When and as I see myself defining my silence as smart/wise through the belief that wise people don't speak - I stop and I breathe. Instead I do not compromise myself through silence and allow myself to speak and express myself in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to examine/judge/and compare myself while I speak. I realize that I do this because I am afraid of embarrassing myself. When and as I see myself being afraid that I will embarrass myself - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and I do not judge/define myself as less than/more than no matter how others react.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to maintain/raise my value/reputation when I speak. I realize that only I give value to myself and that valuing self through others is pointless. When and as I see myself trying to maintain/raise my value/reputation when I speak - I stop and I breathe. Instead I accept myself as an equal here in every breath, before and as I speak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will loose value if I say something stupid. I realize that I try to give value to myself through others whether they judge what I say as smart or stupid. When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will loose value if I say something stupid - I stop and I breathe. Instead I accept myself as an equal before and as I speak and I speak common sense and what is best for all here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self-judgment and fear the moment before I speak. I realize that this is a pointless pattern of irrational fear I created from the belief that I can be less than others/ashamed and rejected if I say something 'wrong'. When and as I see myself going into self-judgment and fear before speaking - I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to not compromise myself anymore with silence when I want to speak and I do not judge myself but accept myself as an equal as I speak, no matter how others react.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self-judgment/comparison and fear when I am in a group of people/strangers. I realize that I fear that I'll be rejected because I don't accept myself. When and as I see myself going into self-judgment/comparison and fear when I am in a group of people/strangers - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stay here in the breath and I accept myself as an equal no matter what others say about me and I realize that strangers do not exist because we all know each other as we see each other and everything else is of the mind and so no real because what is in the mind does not define us as who we are as Life here in the physical.