Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Day 20 - Relationship points: fear and anxiety

How do I experience fear and anxiety?
I fear the future, fear of not having enough money, fear of not knowing what to do, fear of not having anyone to help me. Fear of being rejected by everyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear and anxiety when thinking about ending my relationship with her and not being/living with her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect aloneness to fear and anxiety where I picture myself living alone in a small apartment and having no friends and no one to talk to/hang out with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect aloneness to sadness, sorrow, depression, failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine how the future could be like if I live with her and if I don’t and to compare it in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future by thinking about how the future could be like if I am alone and not with her.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I am able to take care of myself no matter what.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not have enough money someday in the future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not know what to do.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I will always find a practical solution for my problems.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will have no one to help me and in this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself that I will always be able to either help myself or find help.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that all will reject me and I will be alone until I die.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide behind my partner by not taking complete self-responsibility to stand as self-sufficient and self-fulfilling human being as Life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my partner by letting her do things for me that I can do myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be too lazy and uninterested to direct and move myself here in self-responsibility, but instead rather letting my partner do things for me and taking care of me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to do things for myself and take care of myself alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect having a partner to secure and safe future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to secure my future through my partner instead of taking self-responsibility for myself and trusting myself that I am able to live effectively myself alone, without the help of my partner.

I commit myself to take complete self-responsibility for myself and not rely on others but take care of me myself alone.