Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Day 5 - Fears of loosing my relationship

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into memories of my relationship with X and feel sad because I cannot play out these memories and define myself according to them anymore, instead of realizing that within this I am only subduing to and blinding/sabotaging myself with feelings/emotions where I desire to have/recreate the good feelings for myself instead of standing for what is best for all. When and as I see myself going into thoughts/memories and sadness about my relationship with X - I stop and I breathe. Instead I stop all thoughts and emotions/feelings and know that I am not my thoughts and my emotions/feelings/desires and I stand for Life and not give into energies and I commit myself to support myself and others to stand with me in what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to go into sadness and memories when I hear certain music that I defined as sad or connected with my relationship with X, instead of realizing that I am sabotaging/manipulating myself by defining myself with the emotions of sadness/regret with which I try and justify my desire for recreating the good energies again with which I blind/sabotage myself by allowing myself to compromise myself and what is best for all just to have that good feelings again for myself in self interest. When and as I see myself going into sadness and memories about my relationship with X when I hear certain music that I defined as sad or connected with my relationship with X - I stop and I breathe. Instead I focus on my commitment to not compromise myself with my desire/wishes/wants and I stand for common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize and admit to myself that I am afraid to lose my relationship with X because I am afraid to lose safety and comfort within the system, calmness/peace, support/help, understanding, acceptance, good feelings/happiness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing safety and comfort within the system if I break up and don't live with X. I realize that I feared this because I separated myself from comfort and safety and so searched for it in my partner. When and as I see myself fearing loosing safety and comfort within the system - I stop and I breathe. Instead I give safety and comfort back to myself by finding it within myself and I commit myself to working towards making this world safe and comfortable for all equally until it is done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing calmness/peace if I break up and don't live with X. I realize that I fear this because I separated myself from calmness/peace and so searched for it in my partner. When and as I see myself fearing loosing calmness/peace - I stop and I breathe. Instead I give calmness/peace back to myself by finding it within myself and I commit myself to working towards a world where everyone can live in calmness and peace equally until this is done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing support/help if I break up and don't live with X. I realize that I fear this because I separated myself from support/help and so searched for it in my partner. When and as I see myself fearing loosing support/help - I stop and I breathe. Instead I give self-support and self-help back to myself and I commit myself to working towards making this world supportive for all Life equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing understanding and acceptance if I break up and don't live with X. I realize that I fear this because I separated myself from understanding and self-acceptance and so searched for it in my partner. When and as I see myself fearing loosing understanding and acceptance - I stop and I breathe. Instead I explore myself in self-honesty to understand myself and my patterns and remove them/realign them with what is best for all in oneness and equality and I only accept that which is Life in me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing good feelings/happiness if I break up and don't live with X. I realize that I fear this because I separated myself from good feelings/happiness and so searched for this in my partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to feel good and happy and blind myself with these feelings, instead of realizing that these are the energetic feelings with which I blind myself from reality and enslave myself to.When and as I see myself wishing/wanting/desiring to feel good and happy - I stop and I breathe. Instead I remain here in the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I can only find happiness/safety/comfort/fun/peace/understanding/acceptance/support/help in my partner, instead of realizing that I can give this back to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear and anxiety whenever I think of breaking up with X and not living with her. I realize that I fear this because I separated myself from everything that I find/look for in her, instead of giving everything that I look for in my partner/another back to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I am unable to give back to myself everything I look/search for in my partner/relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that it is too hard and that I will be unable to give everything back to myself that I find/search for in my partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for excuses for why I am unable to give back to myself what I find/search for in my partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the justification of "living with my partner X is more fun and more supportive than being alone or with someone else" to exist within and as me so that I would be able to continue to not give to myself what I find/look for in her.When and as I see myself accepting and allowing the justification of "living with my partner X is more fun and more supportive than being alone or with someone else" to exist within and as me - I stop and I breathe. Instead I focus on what is here and not allow backchat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior to X because I don't have what she has.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish/want/desire to have the same position/safety within the system as X has.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my fears and my desires to be with/live with X by saying that 'I will be able to be more effective in the system this way and help more with implementing the EMS and what is best for all because I will be more stable'.