Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Day 40 - Searching for attention, postponement, fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look/search for attention when I am with people in order to feel better, loved, safe and in order to hide myself from the emotions of fear, sadness, anxiety that I create for myself and experience when I am alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be satisfied/happy with myself when I am alone.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to let go of the belief that I can only be satisfied with myself, happy and safe when I am with people and not when I am alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to search for recognition, attention, love and comfort in others and especially women, instead of realizing that I have to give that to myself. When and as I see myself wanting/desiring/searching to get recognition, attention, love and comfort from others - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop the separation of myself from recognition, attention, love and comfort through desiring this from other people and give this back to myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop searching for sexual energy arousal by looking at women figures and in this I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to search for sexual energy arousal by looking at women's hips, butts, breasts, thighs or any other body part. I realize that by doing this I participate in the energy program of my mind where I perpetuate the addiction/enslavement to it. Therefore when and as I see myself searching/looking for sexual energetic arousal by watching women - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to not participate in this sexual arousal mind program and direct myself in the breath.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create resistances towards learning/doing school assignments within and as myself. I realize that this will not help me in any way or change the fact that I have to do it and within this I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stop creating the resistances. I commit myself to stop creating the resistances towards learning and doing school assignments and enjoy myself here in the breath as I learn and/or do my school assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid and postpone making the assignments for school or any other task and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into future projections where I think about doing/having to do something and through this create resistance towards it by defining it as hard, boring, stupid. When and as I see myself thinking/imagining myself doing something - I stop and breathe. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and simply do the task/assignment and do not accept and allow myself to go into future projections where I only think about how would I do it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create/go into fear of failure whenever I have an assignment/task to do where I imagine/think about what will happen if I don't do it as I realize and understand that I am only sabotaging myself with this by distracting myself, instead of simply being here in the breath and focusing on the task/assignment. When and as I see myself creating/going into fear of failure when I have an assignment/task to do - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop and no more accept and allowing myself to go into fear of failure but simply focus on the task/assignment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear/anxiety/nervousness of running out of time and not having enough time to finish my task/assignment as I realize that with this I only sabotage myself as I think of what might happen as a result of my failure, instead of simply directing myself here in the breath to finish the assignment/task. I realize that there is no point in me imagining/thinking of not finishing an assignment task in time as this only makes me more noneffective which means it will take even longer for me to do the task/assignment, therefore I commit myself to stop creating/participating in fear/anxiety/nervousness of running out of time and not finishing in time. Instead I direct myself here in the breath and simply do the task/assignment.