Thursday, January 9, 2014

Day 126 - Self-judgemnt and shame for not understanding

Today at school I asked professor a question and went into a reaction of fear where I judge myself as inferior.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking and asking a question when I am not sure/when I do not understand the point that I am speaking about.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge/see/perceive myself as inferior when I am speaking about a point that I do not understand. When and as I see myself believing that I should be ashamed about not knowing/understanding something - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that the fact that I do not understanding/know something is not a point that I should be ashamed of, because inferiority/superiority and so shame is just an idea that I create in my mind on my own and so is not real and not necessary. I commit myself to not go into shame and inferiority and self-judgement when I want to speak about/ask something that I do not understand or know.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge/see/perceive myself as inferior and to feel ashamed when I ask a question/speak about something that I do not yet understand and someone is laughing or mocking me. When and as I see myself going into inferiority and shame when someone is laughing at me or mocking me - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I must not base the value of me on what others think of me/say about me/how they react to me but on myself as who I am as a living human being, always equal to all other living beings because the life in me is the same and equal to the life in others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge others as inferior and laugh at them when they do not understand something and with this perceive myself as superior and them as inferior. I commit myself to never laugh at others or mock them because they do not understand something and to not make/see/perceive myself as superior to them.