Thursday, June 26, 2014

Day 149 - Taking self-responsibility for reactions towards my partner

Today I had an argument with my partner where she blamed me, speaking in emotional reaction, for things that I did not do / participate in or where some of it was true and some of it not. I reacted to this by taking it personally, feeling offended and being angry about it and then I wanted to show her that she is participating in a spiteful pattern and then, I myself became spiteful and so obviously we just made an argument out of it, instead of me immediately stopping myself and starting writing out my own patterns. So the patterns that I observed I participated in:

- Taking it personally and feeling offended when my partner projects and blames me for things I did not do and for her own feelings.

- Not stopping and applying my own self-forgiveness, but being spiteful towards her where I wanted to show her how spiteful she is, when I felt offended, by me being spiteful back and making her feel bad.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take it personally and feel offended and inferior when I see / perceive that my partner blames me for something that I did not do / participate in.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when my partner talks to me in reaction and when I feel offended about what my partner is talking about.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner as spiteful and rude whenever I see / perceive that she blames me for her own reactions and when she does not want to stop herself and take full self-responsibility for her reactions.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself and my own reaction of feeling offended, angry and taking it personally when I see / perceive that my partner blames me for her own reactions or things that I did not do / participate in. I realize that there is no excuse for me reacting in this way no matter what my partner says or does and that I have to take full responsibility for my own reactions. Therefore I commit myself to stop and breathe immediately as I realize that I am reacting to what my partner is saying or when I see that she is in a reaction, then I observe my reactions and apply self forgiveness out loud and/or start writing about my reactions as long as I am not completely clear. I also state that I have realized that my partner is in a reaction and that we will not talk as long as the reactions don't stop completely. IF my partner will insist in trying to talk, I will continue to do self forgiveness out loud and/or explain to her that I will leave and come back when there will be no more emotions and reactions.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful back towards my partner whenever I react to my partner with taking it personally and feeling offended and/or when I see that my partner is spiteful, thinking that I will show with this that what she is doing is not acceptable. I realize that I will only fuel the reaction further. Therefore I commit myself to stop and breathe, apply self-forgiveness and then explain to my partner the pattern that she is participating in and that I will not talk with her until she is reactive.