Thursday, September 11, 2014

Day 166 - Fear of talking too slow / not being understood

I noticed this interesting fear within me when I talk with others. I fear that I will explain something too slow and so that others will loose interest or not get what I am saying and so if this would happen, I would judge and blame myself for being a bad speaker/presenter/explainer of myself/information and feel inferior. Then I try to compensate for this fear and try to avoid it by trying to explain something too fast and so I do not give myself the opportunity to talk slowly or to pause and consider what I would like to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to effectively explain myself and be understood by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame myself when I am not understood by others, instead of taking a breath and asking what is not clear so that I can explain it better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and speak/explain myself fast so that others would not lose interest in me. When and as I see myself that I am speaking fast - I stop and breathe. I realize that I do not have to fear that others will lose interest in me, because I do not have to judge myself as a bad speaker/presenter/explainer if that happens or if I am not being understood. I commit myself to not judge/blame myself as a bad speaker/presenter/explainer whenever I speak slow or when others lose interest in what I speak about or when others do not understand what I mean, instead I take my time and be patient with myself when I express myself through talking or otherwise so that I can effectively support myself for example say and explain myself in the most effective way in a the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally and feel offended, disrespected, ignored and inferior, whenever I am explaining something and I see others loosing interest in what I speak about by looking away or doing something else. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that every time someone looks away, yawns or starts doing something else, this means that one is loosing interest in what I am speaking about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak with others from the starting point of desiring to get attention, be understood by all and/or get constant confirmation that I am being understood and that what I speak about is interesting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel proud of myself and superior whenever I see/perceive that I am being understood and that what I speak about is interesting and within this I forgive myself to feel inferior and be ashamed, feel bad about myself whenever I see/perceive that others do not understand me or find my talking interesting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally, feel offended, ashamed and inferior when someone does not agree with me / what I am saying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed and inferior when I realize that what I was believing/saying is wrong and not accurate, instead of realizing that I just learned something new and got the chance to expand my understanding of the world.