Saturday, November 29, 2014
I see how I still fall for the emotional polarity experience towards gaming and work. When I game or think about it, I experience these positively charged emotions: excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation, achievement and winning.
In relation to work and doing what needs to be done, I experience more of an emotionally negative resistance. I cannot seem to find a more specific word for it. It is a mixture of me justifying that work is not fun because mostly I do not feel any positive feelings while working and the point that I judge myself and make myself nervous and frustrated when I have a hard time thinking about what the solutions are for the problem that I have to solve.
I also see a difference between work and gaming, where in a game, I can learn and master all the controls quickly and then it is just a matter of trying until I achieve the goal or do something that I consider awesome because I cannot do that in real life. While at work, it is much harder the master all the "controls" and tools that I can use, because the real world is much more complicated and so one needs a lot more practice and patience. I see now why we (our minds) like games so much. It is because games work more like our minds, where everything can be done quickly, where you can "achieve" something quickly and get the fix of excitement or a sense of winning and achieving something. While in real life, this goes much slower and requires one to put a lot more work into something in order to achieve a goal. Therefore this addiction to gaming is basically an addiction towards the mentioned positive feelings and a sense of quick "achievement", because one gets too lazy to actually work for the goals and achievements in real life.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play games in order to create for myself the feeling of quick "achievement", excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation and winning / superiority, where I would then feel more of me as being something more and better than what I was before playing the game. When and as I see myself playing games in order to create for myself the quick positive feelings - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am within this creating the positive polarity in relation to gaming - work, where I will then feel the opposite emotions towards real life work. I commit myself to make sure that I do not participate in gaming from the starting point of creating the quick positive feelings of "achievement", excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation and winning / superiority. Instead I commit myself to immediately apply self-forgiveness on such desires within the realization that I will be much more effective on all levels when I stop defining and separating activities into either work or gaming, where one has to be fun and the other not.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define fun as a positive experience of feelings, such as excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation, achievement, winning, relaxation. I see and realize that this definition of the word fun does not support me as I am creating an energetic polarity of good and bad with it and so making myself unstable and ineffective. Thus I commit myself to no more define the word fun according to the positive polarity feelings, such as excitement, exhilaration, expectation, anticipation, elation, achievement, winning, relaxation.
Word redefinition: fun
: someone or something that is amusing or enjoyable : an enjoyable experience or person
: an enjoyable or amusing time
: the feeling of being amused or entertained
Fun sounds like fond, which means having a liking towards something or someone. This also means that I am close to what I am fond of, like being it or liking to be as what I am fond of. And since being fond of something is just me experiencing me in relation to what I perceive I am fond of, I am basically in that just being fond of myself, close to myself, liking myself as who I am in relation towards myself in that moment, thus having, creating and being fun / fond.
Fun: intimately being and accepting myself in breath, without blame, judgment and (energetic) polarity, in relation to myself and what I am doing in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I do not have to exist within and as the negative polarity of resistance and not having fun when I am working. When and as I see myself believing that I am not or cannot have fun while working and doing something that has to be done - I stop and breathe. I remind myself of the realization of what fun really is and how I have redefined the word and within this commit myself to always make sure that I create fun for myself no matter what I work on, where I am and what I have to do.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to come up with justification for why I cannot have fun. When and as I see myself creating justifications in my mind for why I cannot have/create fun for myself - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that only I decide to create and be fun and that this is never conditioned by something outside of myself. Thus I commit myself to always make sure that I do not accept and create justifications for why I cannot create fun for myself. Instead I make sure that I am the directive principle of creating and being fun no matter where I am or what I do.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only get fun by someone / something else and that fun is conditioned by my exterior conditions. When and as I see myself thinking / believing that I can only get fun by someone / something outside of myself and that fun is conditioned by my exterior environment - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am the one always creating fun for myself by applying the redefined fun that is not energetically polarized. Thus I commit myself to make sure that I do not participate in the polarized fun, but to instead make sure that I practically live and create the redefine fun for myself no matter where I am, what I am doing, what I have to do and who I am with.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
|Still waiting for a savior?|
The eleventh principle I commit myself to live by is he realization that I must save myself, because no one can do it for me. This means that I use the tools and principles of Desteni is my guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone.
If we look at the basic tools of Desteni: self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-correction, everything is about self. Only I can be honest with myself about what goes on in my thoughts, what emotions and feelings I am creating - no one can do this for me. If I do not allow myself to see the abuse and the patterns that I am creating and allowing within my mind and consequently in my living actions, then I cannot stop myself and correct my behavior and my starting point. No one can force me to change myself and who I make myself to be. It is really a simple point that we all understand: every one is completely responsible for self, who self is, what one accepts and allows. Thus any king of idea that some sort of a savior can save us from our own acceptances and allowances, is just a delusional idea, because it is practically impossible for someone to save us: we must save ourselves by changing ourselves and align ourselves to always work according to the Principle that is Best for All: Do not do unto others as you would not want to be done unto you. This does not just happen because we decided so in one moment. We have to walk a process of practical self.change that requires actual work and effort. There is no real quick solution.
The way I do this is as explained, through using the (Desteni) tools of self-honest writing, where I look at myself daily and see the thoughts that I am thinking, the emotions and feelings that I am creating and the living actions I am accepting and allowing. This way I see where I am being selfish, inconsiderate, egoistic, ignorant, spiteful or in some other way distracted by my positive feelings and other mind constructs that are not necessary and through which I create and allow abuse within myself and so in this world. Then I apply self-forgiveness on every specific pattern that I identify in my writing with which I release the point, take responsibility for it and commit myself to no more live the same way and to change myself. I write down the solution, the who I have to become as a solution that will be best for all and thus best for me as well. Then, after the writing, I make sure that I apply the correction practically in my everyday life. And this takes practice, because I lived a lot of the abusive patterns for a long time and so I have to learn to unlearn them and change myself in how I direct myself in such situations so that I am aligned with the Principle.
Many people may find it scary, that each one is fully responsible for oneself and that each one must save oneself, because no one else can do it for another. But when you really look at it without the emotions, it is quite liberating, because one is just dependent on self, meaning, we do not have to wait for a savior to come and save us, we can just do it ourselves, each one alone, but still each one helping each other as well when another is willing to receive some support through perspectives and experiences of others that have walked before him/her.
So, what are we waiting for? Let's save ourselves by being the change that we want to see in the world. It is not a quick fix or a magical solution, but it is The Solution.