Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Day 244 - Fulfillment

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define fulfillment within polarity and separation, where I believed that if I am to be fulfilled I have to get/attain something that is outside of me and to then project the this onto women, where I would search for specific women that I believed could fulfill me. When and as I see myself defining fulfillment within polarity and separation - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that there is no need/common sense in separating me from fulfillment and feeling unfulfilled. Thus I commit myself to always make sure that I do not exist within the belief/definition that I am somehow unfulfilled and that I need something outside of myself to fulfill me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that a man is not fulfilled without a woman and vice versa and that therefore I am not fulfilled and that I need a woman to fulfill me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make a decision from the belief about the fulfillment as separation/polarity, that I have to look for a woman and to judge and compare them according to my unfulfilled desires and think that certain women would fulfill me and certain won't, instead of realizing that I am projecting my belief that I am not fulfilled onto women and that I can simply stop the separation and desire for fulfillment. This when I see myself desiring to be fulfilled, especially in relation with women - I stop and breathe. I commit myself to always make sure that I do not participate within the illusion of separation from fulfillment in relation to women.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create/participate within the jealousy of looking at women and other couples within the belief that they have something I don't. When and as I see myself participating within the jealousy when observing other women/couples - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I created jealousy as the consequence of the idea/belief that I am not fulfilled that I need a woman/relationship in order to be fulfilled. Thus I commit myself to stop and not participate within jealousy towards women/couples and to stop the belief that they have something that I don't and that I am not already fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify the belief that I am not fulfilled with the emotion of loneliness/the lack of feeling towards another person when I am alone where I would think that I have to feel more. When and as I see myself justifying the belief that I am not fulfilled with the emotion of loneliness/the lack of feeling towards another person when I am alone and think that I have to feel more - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am participating within the polarity construct of emotions/feelings as well as neutrality, where I would believe that I have to feel more when I do not have any distinct feelings. Thus I commit myself to always make sure that I do not justify the belief that I am not fulfilled with the emotions of loneliness/boredom/sadness/lack of feeling towards another person when I am alone, as I understand that I am already fulfilled and that all emotional polarities are not necessary.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to confirm to myself that that belief that women would fulfill me by imagining being with a woman and then already feeling more fulfilled, instead of realizing that this is the proof that I am actually creating both the fulfillment and fulfillment beliefs and emotions/feelings within myself. Thus I commit myself to always make sure I do not confirm the belief of (un)fulfillment or any other point with my own emotions/feelings, as I know and understand that these experiences are all polarity constructs of my own mind and thus nothing real/substantial/stable/trustworthy.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by constantly searching for a partner/something that would fulfill me. When and as I see myself searching for a partner/something that would fulfill me - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I created this point out of the polarity definition of fulfillment, where I believed that I can only be fulfilled by something/someone outside of myself, instead of realizing that I am already my own fulfillment. Thus I commit myself to always make sure that I do not sabotage myself by searching for fulfillment outside of myself and in other people/women or things, instead I look at what I have separated myself from and make sure that I give back and create that fulfillment within me and as me, without the need for something outside of me.

Word redefinition:
Fulfillment – the full mending of oneself as a living being where one removes all the limitations and unbalances within oneself.