Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Day 253 - Reacting to blame - 1

Today I found myself reacting to another person P, while P was talking to me with an emotional tone with blame and anger. While I was reflecting on what P was saying, P started to demand that I answer a question that was emotionally manipulative in nature and in this moment I started to become increasingly agitated and then angered. I stayed quite as I didn't know what to say to calm down the situation. I created a dilemma for myself as I did not want to simply accept the accusations from P as valid as they were not because they were made out of an emotional perception and judgment. On the other hand I did not want to directly oppose P as I saw some points could be valid and thus I would not be honest, nor would I help to calm down the situation by denying it all. As I didn't see an effective direction for myself I remained quite and this only caused P to react more, where then I also reacted with feeling more pressured, where I then started to blame P for this pressure and became angry. As I wanted to tell P to stop pressuring me I used an example from P's past, trying to show the consequence that can happen when you pressure someone, but as I was not clear when talking, I made P react even more. Thus we had an argument again that lasted around an hour before the energies stopped and I removed myself from P for a while. This show me that I am still not directing myself effectively in situation where I get accused or blamed, especially when I see/perceive the blaming to not be valid.

I will look more into problems and solutions in the next blog.