Sunday, March 6, 2016

Day 260 - Comparing myself with business men

Bellow I share a specific point/memory I wrote out to correct my thinking and behavior from (self)abuse to self-support.




--> Comparing myself with business men
-->--> I am watching a movie where there are greedy business men
-->-->--> One business man was very handsome looking but corrupt and greedy
-->-->-->--> I think: he’s got a Ken-like face, I am uglier in comparison
-->-->-->-->--> I wish I was better looking so that girls would want me more
-->-->-->-->-->--> I hate how some good looking men or business men are greedy and haughty
-->-->-->-->-->-->--> They abuse women for their amusement
-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> I would not do that, neither would I fuck people over for personal gain
-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> Maybe I’m not as handsome, but I’m a better guy than people like him

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see/judge/define people who are/look like business men as greedy, based on their appearance, and within this judge them as bad, inferior. When and as I see myself seeing/judging/defining people who are/look like business men as greedy, based on their appearance, and within this judge them as bad, inferior - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am projecting my judgements about greed, where I become angry, but this is useless and unnecessary. This I commit myself to not judge greed and bad/negative and to not connect/project onto people who I see/perceive as business men as greedy and so bad/inferior. Instead I see them as the living beings, brought up and preprogramed like everyone else, push myself to understand the reasons of their thinking and support them in seeing common sense and becoming their best potential.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compare my face to a business men/actor's face and judge mine as uglier. When and as I see myself comparing my face to another's and judge one as inferior/superior - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am creating a competition/judgment where I want to win and not feel bad about myself, instead of stopping the comparison itself. Thus I commit myself to not compare my face to another's and judge one as superior/inferior.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think "I wish I was better looking so that girls would want me more" and within this create a belief that I don't look good enough, as well as desire towards girls. When and as I see myself thinking "I wish I was better looking so that girls would want me more" - I stop and breathe. I realize that I can stop judging and comparing myself/my looks and that I can live and give to myself what I believe girls would give me. Thus I commit myself to not judge compare myself/my looks as not good enough/inferior to other men and express/give to me and others what I think girls would give me and within this stop desiring girls.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge some people/businessmen as greedy and haughty and be angry and hateful towards them. When and as I see myself judging a person/businessmen or women as greedy and haughty - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am projecting my judgment of the words/act of greed and haughtiness as bad, inferior and that me getting angry / hateful about it is useless. Thus I commit myself to no judge the acts of greed and haughtiness as bad/inferior and people who I see/perceive are like that as inferior and instead of getting angry / hateful towards them, I look at what is the cause for such behaviour in me or another and support me/another to live a better solution.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hate people who abuse others, especially women and children and see them as inferior to me. When and as I see myself hating people who abuse others - women and children - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that such judgments are useless as with this I only create hate and separation within me towards others. Thus I commit myself to not judge/be hateful towards people who abuse(d) others, instead I look at why they are acting in this way and support them to see common sense and reach their full potential as living beings.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make myself feel better/superior by finding reasons why someone else is inferior to me, like thinking that I am a better person when I think someone is more handsome. When and as I see myself looking for reasons why someone else is inferior to me, like thinking that I am a better person when I think someone is more handsome - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that I am in a loop of judging others and comparing myself to them where I then feel superior and hate others, which is useless. Thus I commit myself to no more look for reasons why I am superior to another when I feel/think like I am inferior to another. Instead I realize that I am not inferior to anyone and that judging/comparing myself to other men to see who is more handsome is not necessary / supportive for anyone.