Saturday, September 17, 2016
For the last few days I helped at my friend's place to paint a room and get it ready for another friend who will live there. While I was painting, both friends had other things to do as well so I was mostly left to work on the room alone. During this time I allowed a backchat to come up within me where I perceived it is not fair that only I work on the room and that I am being exploited, so I got angry. I'll be writing self-forgiveness on this pattern.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that when I agree to help someone and he/she then goes to do other things, that I am being exploited and then feel inferior and angry and create backchat around it, such as: "this is not fair, why should I work for free while they don't care to help...". When and as I see myself going into anger, feeling inferior and perceiving that it is not fair that I work on something I agreed I will help with while other's do other things - I stop and breathe. I realize that I am within this looking at the situation only through my selfish perspective where I am not willing to help someone if he does not work with me, instead of seeing/realizing that others might have to do some things that have to be done also, while I don't, so I can in the mean time still work on the thing I am helping with, without creating the point of judgement, comparison, inferiority and then perception of unfairness within me. I see that with this I only allow myself to exist in and as the backchat in my mind for the sole reason of creating emotional reactions and more needles distracting energy for the mind. Thus I commit myself to no think/believe/perceive that when I agree to help someone and he/she then goes to do some other things, that I am now being exploited and that this is not fair as I understand that other might have other things they have to do as well while I can continue with what I am helping with alone for a while, focusing on self-expression instead of backchat.
I forgive myself for asking others to help me with something and then leaving them to work on it by themselves while I go do something else, without explaining that I have to do something important and asking them to continue on their own for a moment, until I come back. I commit myself to ask people who help me with something if they can continue to work on their own for a moment when I have to do some other thing that needs to be done, instead of just leaving them on their own.
I forgive myself for judging and blaming people who leave me alone, without explanation, to work on something they asked me to help with, as rude, arrogant, unfair, exploitative, selfish - I stop and breathe. I realize and understand that what they did is not personal and that my judgement of them is my own pattern I have to stop as it is not supportive. Thus I commit myself to not judge and blame people who leave me alone, without explanation, to work on something they asked me to help with, as rude, arrogant, unfair, exploitative, selfish. Instead I ask them if there is something important they have to do that cannot wait and if they would like me to continue while they are not there nad for how long and also to ask them to give me a notice about such things next time.