Thursday, October 6, 2016

Day 265 - Postponing sending job applications

I'm currently looking for an 8 hour job and I often postpone sending applications, so I'll look at why this is.

When I see I can send an application a fear comes up. Fear of having to go somewhere to be judged and then rejected and the feeling of inferiority, inadequateness that comes afterwards.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately go into a fearful character when I see I can send a job application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then immediately start thinking about all the things I will have to do and learn on the job before I will feel comfortable doing it and within this already create the feeling of stress/overwhelmingness in my mind, while nothing happened yet.
I realize and understand that there is no need for me to think about what I might have to do and learn at the job, because I with this just give energy to my mind. Therefore I commit myself to only look at what the next step is when applying for a job and focus on that and how to direct myself in breath, without reactions, in every step of finding, getting and starting to work at a new job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that finding and having an 8 hour job is hard/stressful and self-limiting and within this create these emotions within me, instead of stopping this belief and directing myself in breath. Thus I commit myself to enjoy myself through the activities of searching, applying for and working at a new 8 hour job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to be rejected when applying for a new job and to define/see this as a personal failure and reason for my inferiority/unworthyness, instead of realizing that I can only do my best to present myself and even then, other people decide among many if I am the one they will employ. I realize that this is not personal and does not define me and who I am, but who people who employ and judge potential employees are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define having an 8 hour job to get money as being a slave and within this create the experience/emotions within me of anger, resistance, inferiority and powerlessness. I realize that these are just emotional experiences I can stop creating by stopping to define an 8 hour job as slavery. I realize that I can still have a job and work on other projects that will in the future bring me enough income to start doing what I would like to do and create without having to work in an 8 hour job for someone else. Thus I commit myself to work in the breath at whatever 8 hour job I will get and learn to enjoy myself within it as this is better than creating all the above emotions for me that I will not support myself with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone sending applications when I see I can, instead of simply taking a breathe and directing myself to enjoy the moment of preparing and sending the application. Thus I commit myself to immediately move myself to send the applications when I see I can.